Donna sent us some new pictures of Henry about a week ago.   I haven’t shared them yet, because it took me a few days to process the deep feelings they stirred up in my heart.  Henry has a worried expression on his face in the pictures, and it just hit home — in a deeper way than I was prepared for — that I have a baby boy halfway across the world that I can’t comfort and hold and love in person.   I’ve known this in my head… and have read enough blogs to be acutely aware of how hard it is for adopting parents to yearn to hold their children and be separated by such a distance… but it hadn’t touched my heart in such a deeply personal way until last week when I saw the pictures.  I don’t think it was even the pictures themselves that sparked the ache in my heart, but just the reality they confirmed of the distance between us.  I think there is an element in a mama’s heart that is a bit irrational and illogical when it comes to taking care of her babies and comforting her children.   Even though I know in my mind that Henry is well-taken care of, and even though I am grateful beyond words for the many updates and incredible communication from AoH, my mama’s heart really grieved for the fear or worry or pain that my little boy might be feeling and that I’m not there to comfort him.  

The reality of the miles and miles of land and water between us REALLY hit home… as did the reality of the unpredictable timeline ahead of us before we are able to bring him home.  Its the nature of international adoption — total lack of control on our end of the line… which has to lead us to trust that God is entirely in control, or else despair and hopelessness will set in.   He knows the beginning from the end and every moment in between.

This whole process has driven me to my knees because the only solid, predictable part of this crazy journey is God’s unfailing love and unending watch-care.   It deepens and purifies my faith to trust Him in the valleys as well as the mountaintops… when its difficult and my heart aches as well as when my spirit leaps for joy at promises being fulfilled. 

There are so many families that demonstrate the level of trust and reliance on the Lord through their adoption journeys that I so desire in my own life. I have been blown away by reading the stories of all the twists and turns and expectations and disappointments that people face and respond so beautifully to.  I feel privileged to get a glimpse of their lives in all the heart-warming and gut-wrenching reality of imperfect life in an imperfect world.  It is such a gift to follow both the difficult processing and beautiful responses of ordinary, faithful people, isn’t it?  It inspires me and challenges me as we walk down our road. 

Anyway… enough rambling… golly, I am glad to have an outlet! 

So here are a couple of the recent pictures of our beautiful boy.  I wish I could be the one holding him… but thankfully I can ask the One who watches over me to watch over my baby 6,000 miles away.   After all, what is 6,000 miles to God?

 henryhat31-2.jpg

henryhat21-2.jpg

**Ah, yes… about the wool hat.  I, too, wondered why in the world he was wearing it!! Donna said the temperature dropped to the balmy low-70’s and apparently in Liberia that warrants a beanie!  I shudder to think how he is going to adjust to the winters we have in northern WA!! )

Advertisements