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I know, I know… my “guess what? we’re moving!” post left a lot to be desired.  Whoops!  I’ll finish the “rest of the story” post soon to fill in the blanks, but right now I would appreciate prayer for our little guy.  We took him to the doc last week because of a really strange and disconcerting situation with his thumb.  I won’t go into details because it was definitely not pleasant.  Anyway, the doctor was quite concerned about MRSA, so they took a culture and we found out that thankfully it’s not MRSA, but he does has a bad Staph infection that has caused the skin to peel away from his thumb like a burn.  It’s a strain of Staph that affects children and can be very dangerous if it spreads because of the risk of dehydration, etc from the loss of the layer of skin.  He’s on antibiotics now and hopefully that will take care of it, but we would so, so, SO appreciate a prayer for him if you think about it.  With everything else that we have going on — the move, Henry’s upcoming EEG and MRI appointments and our recent push for the big show today with our non-profit (which was AWESOME, by the way!  I can’t wait to share more!) I am feeling a little like I am barely treading water.  There are a lot of varying emotions accompanying the things that have been happening here lately.  I feel badly that I have been out of touch with reading blogs and emailing.  I so appreciate knowing you’re out there… and that you’ll still be there after I move.  You’re my friends that will be there when I open my laptop even when it’s sitting on a table in a different state.  I’m looking forward to reading and catching up on all of your lives after things settle down here… but until then, I’m just going to keep treading.

And, to lighten it up… a couple photos of the man himself.  Beanie season is upon us!

 

 

Henry had his first seizure tonight.  As far as seizures go, it wasn’t a bad one… but it was still hard to watch.  The neurologist warned us after we learned about the Polymicrogyria that Henry was at high risk for seizures.  I don’t remember the exact odds, but it was definitely something we were told to be prepared for.  We were also warned that if or when Henry had his first seizure, he would be at high risk for continuing (and worsening) seizures…

I’ve tried to be as prepared as possible, but honestly, I’ve been really afraid of this aspect of his diagnosis.  It’s been a hard reality for me to accept.  I’ve tried to stay optimistic about the small chance that he might never have a seizure, but I’ve had to face the probability as well.  Most of the time I just pulled my worn-out hood of denial over my head and chose not to think about the what-ifs…

I didn’t realize just how afraid I’ve been deep down until I held my son’s limp body tonight.  I was totally and completely freaked out and I realized that I’ve been dreading this evening for months — even though I had no idea when it was coming.  I’ve sometimes felt like there was an unseen monster lurking in the shadows… a danger that I could sense but not see.  I don’t think there has ever been anything scarier to me as a mom than this knowing about the threat of danger to my baby, but not knowing when or how it might strike.  

I feel like the monster was finally been let out of the basement tonight…

The good part is now at least the monster is out.  I can face him.  Now that I know it’s not going to be “if” Henry has a seizure, I don’t have to be afraid of that unknown.  Now I can silence the voice in my mind that has frightened me with the wondering and worrying.  No, I can’t stop the seizures.  That monster is too big.  But I CAN at least face my fears in the light.  And that’s a huge step.  Yes, Henry had a seizure, and he will most likely have more.  I will be more prepared next time and I will face it with him as a stronger and more courageous momma.

En Garde.

These photos were too funny not to share.  Peter taught Henry how to make fish-lips the other night — and after a few tries, he got it!  I love the look of concentration on Henry’s face at first. 

 

 

Happy birthday, Henry Isaiah! 

Yesterday we celebrated your second birthday.  You’ve been on this earth for two full years and the world is blessed by your presence.  You are an amazing kid and I can’t even begin to put into words how much I love you and how you’ve changed me. 

You are so many things: funny, mischievous, adorable, tenderhearted, tenacious, smart and incredibly linguistic for your age.  You have a great sense of humor and you keep us constantly entertained with your antics and “jokes.”  You are full of life and laughter and you love to make others laugh, too.  But you also have such a soft, tender side.  You are a little lover.  I have never known such an affectionate child.  Your spontaneous hugs and kisses melt my heart — as does your little voice telling me “love ya, Mamalove ya SOOOO much, Mama.” 

You are adventurous and attempt everything you see other kids doing.  There isn’t anything you won’t try.  And there isn’t much you can’t do.  You’re a fighter and an overcomer in the best sense of the words.  I’m so proud of WHO you are and I’m so proud of the way you tackle life.

I can’t imagine our family without you — things would be so quiet and empty without your shrieks and uncontrollable giggles.  We’d miss your funny little conversations and the way you sing silly made-up songs at the top of your lungs. 

I love you, son.  I’m so grateful that our lives are forever entwined.  It’s a privilege to be your mama.  You are a gift, Henry — a gift beyond comprehension.  Happy 2nd birthday!!! 

…about turning your back for a minute!!!!! 

Just look at those eyes sparkling with mischievousness.  He knows he’s a rascal, but he also knows how cute he is.   You can tell he’s thinking it’s a good sign that mom grabbed the camera —  generally that means absolution to some degree!   :0)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Like a lot of moms, I rarely get in on photos unless they are “official” family ones… and I know someday I’ll wish I had more snap-shots of me with the kids.  So, even though I’m not a big fan of being on the that side of the lens, I was happy the other day when Peter got out the camera and took these pictures of Henry and me playing around on the lawn.  We were both tired and dirty from working outside all afternoon, but we were having such a great time playing in the grass.  He was laughing and shrieking SO hard from being swung around!  I figured these pictures were a good follow-up to my last post —  I am wildly grateful to have this amazing little guy in my life!  🙂 

(This was Henry’s picture on the special needs “waiting kids” list last spring.)

This post has been on my heart for a few weeks… it’s just taken a while to actually write it!

I’ve been thinking a lot about unexpected “yeses” in my life — times where I’ve been faced with a decision where a yes seemed CRAZY!  But as I look back now, the yeses turned out to be some of the greatest blessings in my life.  Despite the risk.  Despite the odds.  Despite all the reasons why it didn’t seem like a “good” idea at the time.  

I’ve been thinking about this especially lately because of what was going on this time last year.  

A year ago I was in the thick of wrestling through a decision Peter and I had made a few weeks prior.  We’d said no to accepting the referral of a little boy on our agency’s waiting list after being unexpectedly drawn to him.  We’d taken the time to research his probable condition.  We’d stepped out of our preconceived ideas of how our adoption was going to go by even considering this little boy to the extent that we had.  But in the end, after weeks of researching, we’d said no because our fear of the unknowns surrounding his condition was too great.  

Maybe we researched TOO much?  I think sometimes our heads get the better of our hearts.  (*I’m not saying that it’s wise to leap without checking the depth of the water… but sometimes we can over-analyze our capabilities and stop ourselves short of tremendous opportunity.  If we can learn to face our fear of the unknown and trust the strange prompting to do something completely uncharacteristic, amazing results often follow.  It’s called faith.  Whew — that’s a whole post in itself!!)

But back to topic here…  I’m finding that the sounds and smells this month are bringing back the mixed feelings and intense emotions I had during that season… the heartache, the fears, the questions… I was really undone inside and definitely not settled with that initial decision.  I wrote this post a year ago.  Re-reading it, I remember the agony I was in — all the planning and prayers and desire to adopt came down to this ONE little life.  This one little boy.  It was immensely specific.  I remember thinking “how can people even make decisions like this?”  The future of a human life was in the balance and it weighed heavily on me.  

The last few weeks as I’ve been watching Henry run around outside with his sister — every inch an almost-two-year-old boy! — I have been very, very aware of how close I came to missing such an amazing blessing.  Granted, I AM a believer in God’s sovereignty.  But I also believe that I’m faced with choices every day.  I make decisions and I live with those decisions.  I’m very aware right now of how small a word “yes” is — and how huge the ramifications can be.  My heart is so thankful that Peter and I got a second chance to say yes… a second chance to take that leap.

This whole journey has made me stop and think about other things in life I might miss because I choose to stay comfortable.  It’s not going to help anything to be paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decision — but I think it’s a very, very healthy thing to be acutely aware of the tendency to stay comfortable.  I WANT to live my life aware of the doors I almost didn’t walk through.  No regrets… but an awareness of the times that I had an opportunity to leap and didn’t (or almost didn’t.)   It’s funny, on one hand I tend to be pretty adventurous and willing to take risks… but it’s generally when I know that I am actually safe and I know what the outcome will be.  I’m fine climbing a rock face when I’m tied to a rope! —  but faced with a situation where the unknowns are seriously life-changing and permanent, I’m not so risky.  I play it safe… too safe.  I don’t want to be that person.  I want to be the crazy, sold-out and willing to follow Christ ANYWHERE person. 

Thank God for his grace to change, and grow, and leap!

Our yes to Henry was such a small leap in comparison to a lot of people’s “yeses.”  Seriously, it’s awe-inspiring (and just plain inspiring!) to think about the level of so many people’s dedication to following the road less traveled.  But, it was a HUGE step for us… it opened the doors to a lot of other “yeses” in our lives and is a daily reminder to stay open and surrendered to God’s plan.  It’s certainly not the easiest thing in the world to surrender our plans and hold our lives out openly… but we are learning that the unexpected blessings in it are incomparable.  This lesson has became intensly real and personal to us through this adoption — we really can’t imagine life without our precious, unexpected son!

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger (or heartache) is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”  Helen Keller

 

Yeah, I know you’re laughing!  🙂 

Sometimes it pays to take a zillion pictures of the kids — every now and then I end up with a funny one like this that couldn’t have been planned if I’d tried! 

Now I just need to come up with a good caption.  Ideas, anyone?? 

The new photo in my header is really significant to me… so I thought I would share the reason why.  Do you remember my post last fall about the gazillion tulip bulbs I was planting? 

Well, they are in full bloom now.

I planted them with the anticipation that my son would be home to see them. 

And he is!!

It seemed to me while planting them that the wait from bulb to bloom would be excrutiatingly long.  It signified the wait for Henry.  But true to character, the time passed… the seasons changed… the waiting ended — and even though it seemed like forever then, it seems like only a breath ago now.   

The funny thing is, the little hands that I longed to bring home can’t keep themselves off the tulip heads!  Aaaahhh!!  My ‘hope realized’ is a menace in the garden. 

But what a sweet, sweet menace!!

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This post was written with a silent prayer for all of you still waiting to bring your kids home.  May your hopes be realized soon.

A little about me…

Wife. Mother. Friend. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Student. Adventure-lover. Photo-taker. Book-reader. Organic gardener. Granola-maker. Green smoothie drinker. Snowboarder. Soccer-player. Aspiring rock-climber. Sometime health nut. Passionate about justice and mercy. Adoption advocate. Business owner and jewelry designer. Wild at heart. Crazy-blessed to live out in the country with my awesome family.

Photography Website:

Contact Me:

sunfreckled@gmail.com
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do." {Helen Keller}

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