You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘randomness’ category.

I’m sorry I’ve neglected you the past seven months. My life kinda took a sharp turn and you sorta stayed behind… but I’ve missed you. I’m coming back to you. Thanks for sticking with me — I promise you won’t regret it.
Yours,
Amber

Advertisements

kids-winter-07-08-168.jpg

So they weren’t kidding when they said to expect “more snow” all week!  Whew!  It has been snowing furiously all day.  It is so, so pretty.  As long as I don’t have to go anywhere, I really enjoy days like today.  I feel like I am in a snow globe and someone just shook it really hard! 

kids-winter-07-08-175.jpg

I am totally disappointed in these photos.  I am going to have to experiment a little.  You can hardly even tell it was snowing.  And, boy, was it ever snowing! — great big flakes that piled up quickly…  Thousands of flakes filling the sky, turning everything white and muffling all sounds except snow-sounds.  They were coming down so quickly, I got dizzy just looking out the window!

kids-winter-07-08-165.jpg

I had an interesting day — I was completely disconnected from the world by no choice of my own.  Ahhh, the joys of rural living!  Our phone line has been down for days, and today our satellite internet connection wasn’t working due to the storm… AND my cell phone broke!  I literally had no way to contact anyone other than my neighbor with a red flag out my front door (and where were you, Sarah???)  We don’t have TV (yes, shocking, I know!)  So the whole world could have gone up in flames and I would have been blissfully unaware…

At first I was a little panicky!  What if someone needed to get a hold of me???  Then I started to realize what a gift it was… Aha! people couldn’t get a hold of me!  (Although I am truly sorry to those of you that tried!) I had the whole day to be unplugged (well, thank God, unplugged from the rest of the world WITH my blessed electricity!!!)  And I really, really, enjoyed it.  Guess what I did?  (besides cleaning up the entire bag of cat food that Joanna  spread all over the living room floor — more on the “Meow Mix Incident” later!)  … I wrote Christmas cards.  By hand.  🙂

It made me contemplate once again, how much much simpler life must have been a hundred and fifty years ago. For the record, I am certainly not volunteering to give up my cell phone and laptop for good! — But I live where I do partly because there is a side of me that longs for the simplicity of life without wires… without artifical connections… I love living where I can watch the seasons pass, marking the years, lending a natural rhythm to life — reminding me to slow down and savor the moments because this season will soon be over…

So much of my life over the last few years has become woven into the world wide web — education, business, shopping, entertainment, communication, (journaling!)…  It’s becoming increasingly harder to separate the virtual from the actual.  I don’t have a negative view toward it.  I appreciate the convenience of the internet!  I appreciate the information available (thank God for Google!!)  I appreciate the relationships I have because of it.  I get to interact with wonderful people and peek into their lives — I get to laugh and cry sympathetically with friends from hundreds of miles away…   I can’t imagine life without it.  But on the other hand, I don’t want to become so intertwined with virtual reality that my actual reality suffers.  I don’t want my real-life relationships to get less than my e-relationships.  Or become so dependent on Amazon.com that I walk past the little book store on the corner.  Or use up my time blogging and have none left over to journal privately!   Hmmmmmm…..  Finding the balance.  Seems like a theme of mine lately. 

Jo and I have been planting tulip bulbs today (I found a great deal on them and kind of went over-board!  I have about 120 bulbs to plant today! 😉 ~ It’s going to be beautiful next spring, though…)  As I was planting them, I just kept thinking that by the time they bloom next spring, Henry should be home!  Its a bit allegorical… preparing the soil, planting the bulbs, covering and watering them… and then just sitting back to wait for many long months of winter until finally in the spring, we will finally get to enjoy the results of the work and the waiting… with bouquets of freshly-cut, brilliant tulips on the table.  Just like life.  Just like Adoption.  It’s a constant theme… work, wait, pray, wait some more… and them all of a sudden “voila!” the fruit is ripe! The hope is realized… the vision becomes reality!… the baby is born (or comes home!) 

I’ve had all kinds of random Henry-related thoughts jumbling around in my mind lately… and since I’m not sure how to connect them all, I’m not going to try to.  This is a “Very Random Post.”  (Did I just create a new category of posts?  Surely there must be some other VRP’ers out there!?!  I know Denise says she “rambles” sometimes…. (which I, personally, always greatly enjoy reading!)  but I’m sure there must be fellow-randomness bloggers out there, too!  🙂 

I think it’s starting to sink in a little more to me (in just the last couple weeks) that we are actually going to be bringing this little boy home.  For some reason it hasn’t seemed as real to me as it seems to be to others (well, from reading other adoption blogs anyway…)  I am not sure why this is… I had the same experience with Jo… even though I was pregnant and felt her moving and everything, it took me a LONG time to really comprehend that it was happening!  We were going to have a baby.  I’m not sure if it’s just the way I process things or if its because I lost our first baby and I am now sub-conciously holding back in fear that I’ll lose another child?  I don’t know.  I certainly don’t want to be holding back… I want to be able to open my heart and love completely no matter the risk, but it just sometimes seems so unreal… I have not had a single dream about Henry that I can remember (since we accepted his referral) until this last week… but I have had a couple vivid dreams the last few nights and as I said,  it’s becoming more real.  I have also started thinking when we are doing “traditional” family things lately (it seems there are a lot more “family things”this time of year! 🙂  that next year (hopefully!) Henry will be coming with us, or in the pictures!…  Also, I’ve been making appointments with specialists and speaking to doctors about my son (aahh! that REALLY sounds official!)

I decided about a month ago to put this:

temp-004.jpg

where I can see it every morning when I wake up.  Silly, I know… but having it hanging there just helps me remember that it is real.  It is happening.  He is a real, live little boy who will be wearing this someday (hopefully soon!)  It just seems so tiny.  I look at it and I can’t believe he is that tiny.

I was remembering the other day about the first time I learned about cerebral palsy.  I was in fifth grade and read the book Karen by Maria Killea.  Maria tells the true story of her daughter who has cerebral palsy and about her perseverence and tenacity in overcoming the obstacles she faced.  Karen learned to do so many things with the most incredible, optimistic attitude.  I remember being SO impacted by the book… even though I was just a kid.  I was blown away by the cheerfulness Karen had and her deep persistence and incredibly cheerful out-look. It made me so much more aware of people around me and the incredible things we can accomplish when we are loved and when our attitudes are positive and when we give it all we’ve got.  I think that book changed my life even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I didn’t expect in fifth grade to grow up and adopt a child with cerebral palsy, but it was a seed planted in my heart.  God planted that seed…  Any time I heard the term “cerebral palsy” after that, I immediately thought of Karen and the tremendous impact she had on me.  Years later, when I was a teenager, we had a man come and minister at our church.  He was an incredble intercessor and shared what God was laying on his heart.  He was deeply affected by cp, but his passionate heart for the Lord was so evident.  This man also deeply impacted me.  Because I was dealing with common teen-related insecurites, part of me was uncomfortable because of his handicaps; but at my core, my heart (the heart that remained after the insecurites were processed! 🙂 was deeply, deeply touched and inspired.  I think his testimony did a lot to actually break me out of my self-centered insecurities and find great joy in being just who God has created me to be.  There have been other seeds planted as well over the years… things I didn’t realize were seeds at the time, but now, looking back I can see God’s hand opening my heart, tenderizing me, preparing me to become Henry’s mom.  I am so grateful for these seeds!  Like the tulip bulbs I’m planting, they sat under ground for a long time… but I can feel them poking through the surface… getting ready to bloom.

I’ve also been thinking about what it will be like to see Henry for the first time.  I have decided to go into it with no pre-conceived expectations — that way I can just enjoy the moment and not worry that I’m not feeling whatever it is I think I should be feeling.  I remember being slightly disillusioned right after Joanna was born because I had been told that the moment they put my baby on my chest, I would forget all the pain of childbirth… So I was expecting an abundance of warm fuzzy feelings toward her the minute I saw her — and it didn’t happen.  I was still in shock from how painful the whole experience had been and I didn’t have those immediate mommy-feelings.  I needed a minute to process it and recover.  Of course, the warm fuzzy feelings came soon after, but it taught me a valuable lesson about not putting expectations on situations. 

Anyway… like I said, just a bunch of random thoughts!  🙂

Jo is so excited about her little brother!  She has been sleeping with a picture of him lately.  (This is because she is convinced “Henny” is going to be sleeping in her bed with her when he gets home!  I’m been trying unsuccesfully to break the news to her for months now.  She is quite insistent! )

She calls him  “Henny” or “Henby.”  And she knows he’s her little brother.  She often reminds me that his arm is hurt and asks if we can pray for him… so we do.  She bows her little head and utters such sweet prayers for her baby brother — a litttle person she’s never met before, but whom she is so open to loving.  I silently add my plea to the Lord: Hear her prayers!  Hear her sweet heart for her brother.  Bring him home soon.  Touch his body, Lord.  You know, in relation to Henry being her little brother, she doesn’t know any differently — as far as she’s concerned, this is how all little brothers are added to families!  🙂

She was hugging me the other day and she said “you’s Jojo’s Mama!”  then a pause, then “you’s Henby’s mama, too!!”  Ahh… she gets it! … And I’m getting it, too!

A little about me…

Wife. Mother. Friend. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Student. Adventure-lover. Photo-taker. Book-reader. Organic gardener. Granola-maker. Green smoothie drinker. Snowboarder. Soccer-player. Aspiring rock-climber. Sometime health nut. Passionate about justice and mercy. Adoption advocate. Business owner and jewelry designer. Wild at heart. Crazy-blessed to live out in the country with my awesome family.

Photography Website:

Contact Me:

sunfreckled@gmail.com
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do." {Helen Keller}

On the Map:

Blog Stats

  • 164,471 hits
November 2017
M T W T F S S
« Jun    
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930